Breaking Free

Emotional chains can tie you down. Insecurities, poor self esteem, and self-doubt can immobilize you. I know. This year is a continuation of breaking free of those chains. 

I'm working on a creative nonfiction piece right now. You'd think it would flow, but I have to remind myself to forget who will be reading it for now. I have to write it for myself first. 

And because I (like many creatives) have a plethora of interests, I've opened an online jewelry store and I'm selling my designs online. I'll also be adding jewelry boxes to the site over the summer. (The website is http://deescreations1.sello.com. My FB page is deescreations1)

These things are a part of my breaking-free quest. Go me! Thanks for reading. 

I'm Angry

THIS IS YOUR TRIGGER WARNING! The subject matter involves cancer, death, anger and tanning beds. If you can't handle it, don't read it. (P.S. I'm angry.)

A few years ago, my dad DIED from melanoma that metastasized. He'd made it through prostate cancer, had numerous skin cancers removed, and on and on. He lived in agony and was sick every day for the last few months of his life. He suffered so much. And guess what he had in his house that he got in far too much? Yep, a tanning bed. 

Much of his pain and suffering could have been avoided. All for the sake of looking good, he FUCKING DIED! I'm angry about that. Still. It was not "God's will" or "God's plan". It was because of a stupid mistake, even after he knew better. He could have prevented much of his--and frankly, our--suffering. Skin cancer isn't a joke. 

So, I'm angry. And I'm pretty sure that there will be people who will be angry with me for writing this. But as I think back on the many warnings my dad had and on the disregard of those warnings, I don't care if it makes someone angry or uncomfortable. I have a right to be angry. 

My boys will not get to grow up knowing him and learning from him. One of the biggest supporters of my craft is gone. I have beautiful memories. I have not-so-beautiful memories. Memories can't talk to you on the phone. Memories can't encourage you or give you a reality check when you need it. You can't hug a memory. Cancer sucks. Period. 

Thanks for reading. 

Chaos No More

Some of you are aware that I'm on a mission to declutter and organize my home. It has honestly gotten so out of control that I hate being in my house. Decluttering is a slow process, but it didn't get this way overnight. 

Growing up, I had a mom who kept very little clutter. She hated unorganized, chaotic spaces. My grandmothers--both paternal and maternal--were the opposite. They kept everything. And when they passed away, family had to clean it out. I followed in my grandmothers' footsteps. 

I have self-diagnosed ADD, and two of my three children have ADHD. So, focusing on anything is a struggle. Add to the equation that we all have trouble getting rid of anything, and you get chaos. 

I'm slowly but surely purging things that don't bring me joy. If I haven't used it in a year, why do I need it? If I hate doing it (crochet)why keep the yarns for it? I'm keeping my crochet hooks and a couple of skeins of yarn to teach anyone who asks how to do it. I'm keeping my sewing machine, because I do use it every now and again. But the rest, other than what I use for jewelry, is gone. 

Chaos is not my friend. It's not my children's friend. We need less stuff and more peace. Less to find a place for, and more space to enjoy our home. 

I have a few friends who are on this mission with me. We encourage and support each other, sometimes offering a swift (but kind) kick in the rear when necessary. I value their support and try to offer the same. And for those in the group that are on this quest, much love and respect. 

Thanks for reading. 

A Letter To My Prepubescent Child

Dear Child,

Yes, this letter is for you, the child who rolls your eyes and lets that "tone" creep into your voice; the one who tells me "no" when I tell you to do something, after I've asked you nicely before resorting to the "do it now" command. I'm going to impart some wisdom here. Pay attention, because I will NOT repeat myself. 

When you, my darling child, decide to behave like a little shit, you might want to remember a few things. 

First, I am your mother. I will be your mother for the rest of your life. You're ten/eleven years old now. You've got at least eight to ten more  years at home. That means you deal with me. Every. Single. Day. For. The. Next. Decade. Think about it. 

Second, although I'm more tolerant than my mother, I do have a breaking point. You have passed the point, my love. That is not wise. 

Third, you should understand that all of the electronics, toys, and other assorted crap you have, are privileges that can disappear faster than an unguarded birthday cake around yours truly. 

And finally, you will be a parent one day. And I sincerely hope I'm around then. If not, I will leave a detailed list of all of the bullshit you pulled for my grandchildren. Why? Because that's the way I roll, my sweet. And be warned, the apple does not fall too far from the tree. How do I know? Because you're just like...your dad! (You didn't think I'd say me, did you?!)

Love,

Mom

Winter Preparedness For Travelers

I've been reading about all these people stranded on highways during this winter storm. Instead of commenting on social media, because it turns into a free-for-all, I'm posting this on my blog. 

I am NOT an expert! These are things I've learned from reading, researching and asking questions. Do your own research and adjust for your needs. 

I read, follow, visit websites, own books on survival and preparedness. Because of that, I keep certain supplies in my vehicle at all times. There's no "crazy prepper mentality" here; just common sense. (And FYI, I don't believe that the majority of preppers are crazy.)

I had to evacuate our home in Virginia in 2003 due to a hurricane. I was frantically grabbing things that seemed important. I forgot a lot and took some things that made no sense. I was in panic mode. Lesson learned. 

I have a backpack purchased from a nearby surplus store. It's much like something you'd see military carry. This bag stays in my vehicle. In this bag, I have a multi-tool, manual can opener, fire starter, flashlight, extra clothing, first aid supplies, Chapstick (which is good for starting fires), sunscreen, bug spray, medicine (headache, allergy, stomach, and needed prescription medications), reflective blankets, disposable tooth brushes, antibacterial wipes, baby wipes, granola bars, and water. 

I also have a walking/hiking stick, rain gear, blankets (thin fleece blankets enclosed in zippered plastic bags), additional first aid supplies, puzzle books, cards, travel games, pens and paper. Those items are in permanent residence in my vehicle. 

My three boys have a backpack always at the ready in the front entry of our house. When we travel anywhere, they carry the bags with them. These bags contain basic first aid kits, flashlights, a change of clothes, a granola bar or trail mix and water, and a book or two. 

I'm going to ask that you do this right now. Get a backpack, duffle bag, old purse, box, ANYTHING you have and put basic supplies in it. Put it in your vehicle. It just might save your life. 

You CAN freeze to death in the middle of a busy city. You CAN die from dehydration ANY time. Snow is frozen water, but be aware that if you eat snow it can lower your core temperature. 

If you are traveling anywhere, keep your gas tank full. Pay attention to weather conditions. 

There are some great free resources out there regarding preparedness. Please use them. Don't be caught unprepared. 

As always, thank you for reading. Be blessed, be kind, and be safe. Peace and love. 

Holidays

Mamaw had all the family at her house for Christmas when we were growing up. She had five children, nine grandchildren, and later a plethora of great grandchildren. Her house was always full. Not everyone made it to every Christmas, but the doors were always open. We'd always enjoy ourselves, and I miss that. 

When Christmas rolls around now, I think of those times fondly. And yes, I miss her. But really, I'm at peace because she's still here in my heart, in my memories. And I share those memories with my children, who never got to meet her. I'm sure she's arranging celebrations with all the angels right now.

My dad loved Christmas. When we were children, he and Mom would stay up putting together Santa toys and getting things under the tree, only to be awakened too early the next morning to see the gifts left by Santa.  In my adult years, he decorated and went all out for Christmas. Normally, starting Thanksgiving when he'd invariably blow a fuse right while my stepmother was cooking. He's with his dad, his mom, his brother and sister, his great nieces, and many other loved ones. Probably trying to talk God into letting him string Christmas lights all over heaven. He's cancer-free and at peace. 

Grandma and Grandpa (maternal) are watching over their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren on Christmas morning, knowing the gift of learning was passed down to those they never got a chance to hold. 

I miss them all, but I feel a sense of peace, knowing they are watching over us. And that they are free of pain and suffering. And they're my angels, each and every one. 

Thanks for reading. Merry Christmas and God bless. And may you have peace in your heart and know you are loved. 

Random Acts of Kindness, Not Violence

My boys and I started making up small bags of food and drinks for the local homeless several years ago.  We'd see them standing with signs asking for help. We'd hand them a bag. So, we know they get something to eat that day. And each time, I say "God bless."

Be kind. Show compassion. Perform one act of kindness. You will be blessed as much as, or more than, those you help. It doesn't cost much. 

We bought a package of brown paper bags (can be used as a campfire starter--yes, many of our local homeless camp out). In those bags, we put a granola bar or cereal bar, a can of Vienna sausages or potted meat, a bottle of water or a small juice box, a plastic spoon to eat the canned meat, and a piece of candy. Each bag we make costs around $1 or so. It's a part of our tithing that directly helps those that are shunned or ignored. 

Blessings and Merry Christmas to each of you. May you be blessed with joy, peace and health.